further along the way.

I may not have gotten where i want to be, but I know that i have come further along the way, than when I just started out.

i always tend to focus on the end result – but the truth is, even though i have not reached my destination, i have travelled further than i ever thought i would, or would be possible.

i am grateful. i am grateful that i have had opportunities – windows of light. and overall, i know that i have done a good job. somehow. maybe i am still not the best and i am still not at my best, but, i have come a long way. from having to regurgitate and follow someone’s material, to being in charge and being able to teach what i want to teach.and the best thing? the students. the students are becoming more responsive and that is the measure of success. because it is no point being the most theoretical and the most intelligent if the students are not receptive. the students must accept you into their hearts, and want to learn.

i know that i can do better, and i know that i still want this. at the end of the day, this is all i want. i cannot picture myself doing anything else. because this is what i truly believe in, and truly truly want to do. i will give everything up, i will dedicate every second of my life, to this.

as much as i tell myself to give up, i know that i am not giving up. something in me still wants to fight ,still wants to believe that this is still possible.

am i delusional? am i clinging onto lost hopes?

or am i fighting?

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