又想起你
微笑的你
太多夢想 的你
永遠離開我們的你。
－－
Our paths often cross with many others, but very seldom do two paths stay crossed and intertwined. and its even rarer, when two people decide to ensure that their paths stay crossed, or at least, their paths are heading in the same direction.
As April ends, i remember a dear friend who has gone away, to a place where our paths will never cross again. not in my current life time anyway. To many, Easter is a time of celebration. to me, Easter marks another anniversary. another year gone by, another year whereby the world has lost a bright star. not because the star fell. but because the Earth did not deserve the light of the star. the Star burned too brightly for the world to bear. Our darkness was too overwhelming, too consuming.
Yes, I remember her as a bright burning star. our paths crossed when we were 13. i remember her dark lush jet-black hair. i remember her pearly white teeth. most of all, i remember her eyes. big and round like a doll, and burning brightly with a passion for life. Til today, i still am able to picture her vividly. Unfortunately, each time the picture appears, the picture inevitably also blurs with sadness.
i remember our days together. during school, after school. the days with us playing in your princess room stand out the most. together with L, i remember us penning stories, we used to write stories. page after page. i can still see the while foolscap sheets filled with her big round words. these stories transported us away from the mundane lessons in the classroom. she was the one with the most imagination. the most creativity. the one who was best at escaping reality. i guess, maybe, she succeeded in the end. being the one who left us all behind. first. just like how, even after L and I got bored with writing stories, she still continued.
But I have no right to remember her. afterall, we lost touch years ago. somehow our paths uncrossed. this is why, my memories are often tinged with awful regret. Because i do wonder, what would have happened. what would have happened if we stayed in touch? Fate brought her and I back to the same city, and same school, the year she left all of us. what if, i was just simply braver, and initiated contact again? would it have helped? if i just simply reached out, would our paths cross again? and most importantly, would her heart still be beating today? if i knew that this would be the outcome, i would have buried all pride, i would have overlooked all pessimism, i would have ignored all the years of separation and distance and simply reached out. because that was all it would have taken: someone to check in on her. someone to walk in, before it was simply, far too late.
because at the end of the day, at the end of it all, it is our loss. it is my loss. the world, is now a darker and more hopeless cave, because it has forever lost a shining star.
–
R.
in some ways, i do miss you. but i know that the girl that i miss, is the girl who will always be 14. the girl who blessed my life with endless pearls of laughter. i can still hear your girly giggles. i can still see those pages you wrote. i remember your story of clementine. i remember how, the three of us bought the same pair of white Esprit culottes. i remember us walking down orchard road. Us, together with L: three girls, hands interlinked, eyes filled with hope. we laughed. loudly and confidently. because we thought we could conquer everything, and in our hearts, we thought we would own the world.
But,
i also remember us growing apart. Our journey, although once wonderful, was always bound to end. because when we were 15, we started to want, and see, different parts of the sky. as we started to grow up and see more of the world, we also started to outgrow each other.
太多的夢想
太多的希望
也許 因為太多
所以
我和你，的眼中， 終於 看见了不同的天空.
–
Maybe, it was I who got lost. Maybe it was I, who let go.
Because you are still here, in my beating heart. just like you have always been, and always will be.
–
好想你
真的好想你.
真的好想以前的我們。
